


Five Years Gone

by mistysinkat



Series: Meria Lavellan [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3788683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistysinkat/pseuds/mistysinkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas comes back to Skyhold to reclaim the power of the anchor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Years Gone

He stood unnoticed, willing himself to disappear into the farthest, darkest corner from where she sat on her throne managing matters of the court. Later, he’d find her alone and take what he needed from her. For now, he was content to observe, his weary eyes drinking in everything the Inquisition had become. Everything she had become.

It was amazing the difference five years could make. When he’d left, she was uncomfortable in that throne. A child of the Dalish, politics and court intrigue were entirely foreign to her. She’d leaned heavily on her advisors and, to some extent, him to help her through those first years as the Inquisition gained ground and eventually triumphed. Luckily, she possessed both the tact and quick wit needed to be successful at this game.

And he could see that she had been successful. She now commanded the largest, most faithful army in all of southern Thedas. She nearly rivaled the Divine in loyal followers, unifying age-old enemies under her banner. Mages and Templars, elves and humans, they all bent a knee to her. When she spoke, people listened.

She was a force to be reckoned with, and she’d learned how to conduct herself as such. Everything about her, from her posture to her word choice, projected an air of confident authority. In his absence, the Inquisitor had fully grown into her role.

Indeed, she was thriving. Vibrant and alive, she shone in a way he couldn’t describe. She seemed somehow more substantial than he remembered her, more present. And it wasn’t just her demeanor and calm confidence. As the court matters finished and she rose from her throne, he could see that even her body seemed more powerful. Her small frame had filled out and thickened with muscle, likely due to the physical demands of being a knight enchanter.

He realized that the image of her he’d idealized over the years was all wrong. He imagined she’d still be the same person he’d left her, capable, but unsure. Talented, but timid. Strong in her way, but small and soft. In need of his guidance and support. She stood before him now, confident, powerful… regal.

He looked down at himself. Where the past five years had built her up, they’d all but torn him down. He didn’t age, no, that was impossible, but he’d grown haggard from the exhaustion of his quest for atonement. He knew how he must look, why people gave him plenty of room as he traveled the roads alone. They saw an emaciated elf with haunted eyes sunk into dark pits, pale skin, torn clothes. They saw danger, sensed dread, and gave it clearance.

It was desperation that made him point his steps in the direction of Skyhold. He’d tried in vain, over and over again, to command the power he needed to right his many wrongs. Even Mythal’s added strength made no difference. Each attempt left him drained, lesser. He was weakened and distracted. His mind wandered to her more and more. Memories of stolen kisses. Evenings spent together, telling stories or quietly reading in front of the fire. Fighting side by side, protecting one another.

Memories of that one dark, passionate night when he’d thrown caution to the wind and completely lost control of his desire for her.

The guilt of everything was a yoke around his neck weighing him down; a roar that drowned everything out but itself. He’d left her so he could atone. He couldn’t atone because he’d left her. Everything he touched spoiled. 

Broken, he finally lost himself in the Fade, wandering through memories rather than facing the present. He knew it was cowardice, but still he went deeper and deeper into his own memories, choking on the guilt. He was drowning.

He relived his time with her over and over. Each time he met her (“Are… you with the Chantry?” “Is that a serious question?”), he loved her. Each time he loved her, he broke her heart (”Maybe in another world…” “Why not this one?”). 

His drive for atonement wasn’t completely extinguished, however. Each time he showed her how to use the anchor in his memories, a dark knowledge scratched at the back of his mind. 

Eventually, of course, the answer came to him. A piece of him was missing - a piece she had. The anchor. His orb was broken; he’d never get that back. But the anchor. The anchor still existed. And wasn’t it part of his orb once? Part of him? Would getting that back give him the power he needed to fix everything he’d destroyed? It was this this thin hope that brought him back from the Fade and sent him on his way to Skyhold.

Back to her. And would he tell her the truth this time as he took the anchor from her? Could he take the anchor from her?

Would she survive it?

Did it matter? Would he choose her survival over the greater good?

“Solas?” a terrible, wonderful voice called softly from his side.

With a jolt, he snapped out of his thoughts. Far too late, he realized that he’d let himself get lost in the past. The hall had emptied; he was no longer hidden in the numbers of the crowd.

“Solas, is that… you?”  

Her eyes. Her face. Her smell. Her hair. Her presence suddenly and completely filled all of his senses. She was different, yes, but she was the same. His chest burned as it tightened and his throat closed around the words. Panic lit his nerves on fire. What should he say? What could he say?

Was he here for the anchor or for her?

She took a tentative step forward, slowly reaching toward him. He covered his face with his hands, protecting himself from her gaze. He tried to step further back into the corner to get away.

He had to get away. None of this was supposed to happen this way. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

She wrapped her fingers around his wrists and gently, slowly pulled his hands away from his face. Her clear eyes peered into his as she smiled softly. Just like that, his mind stopped reeling. Just like that, the tension that knotted his gut and wound him as tightly as a spring released, and he uncoiled. Just like that, he could breathe.

He realized he’d fallen to his knees and his cheeks were wet with tears. Her arms were around him, stronger now and able to support him as he’d once supported her. Hot breath caressed his ear as she whispered two of the sweetest words he’d heard in his long, long life.

“Welcome home.“

The missing piece clicked into place. He realized he’d made his choice. He knew there never really was a choice to begin with.

Her. He’d come back for her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first little drabbles I wrote for Meria. It is completely removed from my fiction, Necessary Death, but I still like it enough to post here. 
> 
> I know in my little broken heart that Solas can’t really have a meaningful relationship with Lavellan. I mean, for starters, he’s going to live forever (and this ain’t Twilight, thank the Maker). He’s also ridiculously driven by his need to right whatever major screw up he thinks he did, so I don’t think he’d ever relent in his pursuit of that… which he’d need to do to actually be able to sustain a relationship. 
> 
> This ignores all of that and takes place several years after Corypheus bites it (five years, actually). This is also sort of angst-porn. I played with making Lavellan much more powerful and sure of herself, while at the same time breaking Solas down quite a bit. Needless to say, Solas isn’t in a very good place, so if that’s a trigger, please keep scrolling. 
> 
> I should clarify that my Lavellan is super confident of her mage-y abilities, but not so much when it comes to running the Inquisition or dealing with Solasdrama.


End file.
